May

I'd like to believe that I'm more clever than I think I am. I often use deflecting remarks as a shield but then wonder if it's just a transparent facade that everyone just plays along with and I'm the true punch line of this boring joke. Also is it sad that I am actually writing this out on paper before I post it? And in pencil no less?

I'm still on my seemingly never ending journey to find and figure out what the fuck I truly want. Almost five years ago I transplanted myself.  The strange terrain, the interesting people, everything was so different all the time. It was both terrifying and exhilarating all at once. Now... I don't know. It's become stifling, contrite and anti-climactic.

One comforting aspect is that above all I've gained family. I've made friends and acquaintances however I've learned that I trust far too easily. I never believed I expected too much from others but it has been proven on several occasions. Lessons painfully learned and I've tried to cut those portions from my table as difficult as that has been.

So it's distractions I turn to; intellectual, corporal, chemical, they all help for a time but my mind always loops back. Each time I steer it in a different direction but as of late it feels like I'm running out of directions. I make idle chatter with someone I think I can trust but I keep the conversations just beneath the surface as I don't want to get burned again. The last storm seared its memory into my flesh and all I want to do is forget. No one will read this and if you are, my fuckin' hat's off to you, whoever you are.

The bottom line of all of this is that we have shows on May 3rd (Saturday) at Monessen City Park at 5:45pm. May 26th (Monday, Memorial Day) at Seven Springs Resort at 1pm. June 7th (Saturday) at the Keynote Cafe at 7pm.

See you at the show.