I'd like to believe that I'm more clever than I think I am. I often use deflecting remarks as a shield but then wonder if it's just a transparent facade that everyone just plays along with and I'm the true punch line of this boring joke. Also is it sad that I am actually writing this out on paper before I post it? And in pencil no less?
I'm still on my seemingly never ending journey to find and figure out what the fuck I truly want. Almost five years ago I transplanted myself. The strange terrain, the interesting people, everything was so different all the time. It was both terrifying and exhilarating all at once. Now... I don't know. It's become stifling, contrite and anti-climactic.
One comforting aspect is that above all I've gained family. I've made friends and acquaintances however I've learned that I trust far too easily. I never believed I expected too much from others but it has been proven on several occasions. Lessons painfully learned and I've tried to cut those portions from my table as difficult as that has been.
So it's distractions I turn to; intellectual, corporal, chemical, they all help for a time but my mind always loops back. Each time I steer it in a different direction but as of late it feels like I'm running out of directions. I make idle chatter with someone I think I can trust but I keep the conversations just beneath the surface as I don't want to get burned again. The last storm seared its memory into my flesh and all I want to do is forget. No one will read this and if you are, my fuckin' hat's off to you, whoever you are.
The bottom line of all of this is that we have shows on May 3rd (Saturday) at Monessen City Park at 5:45pm. May 26th (Monday, Memorial Day) at Seven Springs Resort at 1pm. June 7th (Saturday) at the Keynote Cafe at 7pm.
See you at the show.
Among all the swirling things in my head, the numbers, the hope, the regrets is a longing for someone to say, "Hey it's gonna be okay. I don't know how. It just will be. I'll be here for you, no worries." This has never happened. This will never happen. This is most frustrating. Trust, faith, hope? What the fuck are those words or concepts? What the fuck do they mean to me? I'm still searching. In the mean time I write another sad song. I wait for the approval to validate my struggles and accomplishments. The mystery will never truly be revealed even though I've written it and sang it countless times in plain sight. This place is stifling, everything about it, everyone in it. It wouldn't make sense to run before I knew what or where I was running to, it's not my nature or is that the point? Just the get the fuck out abruptly? I have come so far to do nothing and I've done nothing to have come so far.
We have a show at Mr. Roboto on Sunday November 3rd! It'll be our first show out in Pittsburgh. There will be other local bands from 6:30-9:30. Cover charge is $10. Let the door (wo)man know you ate there to see Wind &Waves.
We will post more info shortly! Stay tuned!
